Sunday, June 22, 2008

In the future where will I be ?

It's been a reallly uneventful few days for Me. Hence why i haven't written anything.. But i just found myself screaming at my husband and shouting obscenities because i'm hungry and i'm so so over the liquid phase. Not that i've been realllly sticking to it when i'm honest. But i've tried. And i've had a good go, but i have had a few little slip ups. We all do though in this phase. We're human. However, we know what we should be doing and then when we cheat and eat our brain tricks us into thinking we're criminals and then we beat ourselves up consistently. In my case it's not because of what i've eaten or anything else. I just get the guilts because i can't stick to what i'm supposed to.. It's a vicious cycle because then you start feeling bad and like a failure. And then the emotional eating kicks in. Realistically though- the pre and post op phases are a bit of a joke. They don't ask junkies to go off crack two weeks before rehab..

It really really sucks. Like reallllllly sucks. And i can't have a fill for another 3 weeks or so- my Dr is on leave and out of town so no deal there. So i'm trying to do liquids- fill-less. 0ml in my band. Grrrrrrrrrr. No wonder i'm starving and cranky and have cheated. Not that that's a justification. Another contributing factor to my ravenousness though is the visit from lovely Aunt Flo. I have a lot of problems in that area so long story short i've had no visits for a few months and now it's been terrible for the last 2.5-3 weeks. And not normal- buckets. Lovely i know.. So to make matters worse i have no restriction, my hormones are all over the shop and they have been for the last few weeks and i want to eat anything that's not moving. Oh the joys of it all !

I hope everyone out there in band land is having a better time with it than i am at the moment.
I'm just hanging out to start exercising again and to get some fill. I'm starting to make plans. On the exercise front i'm going to start going to step, spin and pump. I'll hate it to start with.. But i know it's what i need to do to reach my goal. My band will help me with food. I just need to kick my lazy ass into gear and get to the gym to do those classes !!

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