Monday, June 30, 2008

Enough is enough !!

Right. I've had it. Absolutely had it up to the roof.

For those of you who don't know me and haven't talked to me before, i have a medical condition. One of many really but this is the one that makes everything bugger up. I don't have regular periods i bleed and bleed and bleed for months on end. This in turn makes me badly anaemic and then i have to have blood transfusions and all sorts of other wonderful things to make me better. So at the moment i'm up to week 3 and nearly blacking out when i stand up so i've decided enough is enough !!! They don't know what's wrong with me and i've been poked and prodded and had every test done under the sun for the last 12 years and still nothing. I'm so very over it. Last time i saw the gynaecologist he gave me these pills called Provera to stop the bleeding and said i need to take the pill (the pill makes me sick though.. go figure ?!) so long story short today i got jack of it all and started taking the Provera to stop the bleeding. And i'll have to try and take another type of pill i suppose.. I feel like absolute crap which is making it impossible to do anything and all i want to do it eat to get my energy levels up which doesn't work anyway.. And then i'm nearly blacking out all the time so makes it almost impossible to exercise. Drives me bloody nuts !!!!

Sorry for grossing everyone out but thought you should know the full story. And this problem settles right down and i develop a regular cycle when i'm thin. So i just realllllly need to keep my eyes on the prize so i can lose weight and fix it !!


Sunday, June 29, 2008

Weekly task - week 2

Soooo last week i conquered the vending machine task with flying colours. It was hard but i got through it. So i've had a good long hard think to myself and this week my task is going to be.. To choose water more over Sprite Zero. Now i love love love Sprite Zero to bits. But because of my love for it, i hardly ever choose water. So this week my primary task it to choose water more and my secondary task is to check out some of the exercise classes at the gym.

In the exercise department i must admit i had a bit of a win today.. I ran up a hill. That's pretty cool. It was a steep big hill too. I can't wait until my fitness is good enough that i can sling on my workout clothes and announce that i'm going for a run. That will be an exciting moment for me definitely.

What will be even more exciting is when i can get some fill in my band. That will make me very excited. All i want is to not feel hungry between meals like i was before my slip..

Soon hopefully. Wish me luck on this week's task !!
Sami Xx

Saturday, June 28, 2008

So cranky i could tear my hair out !!!!

I want to start this blog post on a positive note.

I won the weekly task.. and successfully stayed AWAY from the vending machine at work. how exciting !!!!!!!!!!

And got on the scales yesterday and saw 105.5 and i was pretty excited because the scales had moved.. Not much, but any move is a good move ! Until this morning. And i got on and saw 106.6. Pissed off is an understatement. I was so so cranky.. I've been working my arse off and it feels like for absolutely nothing. Not that i should be weighing mind you.. Aunt Flo is still visiting. For the 3rd consecutive week. So that's making me cross and sick as well. Just feels like everything is so bloody hard at the moment. I was expecting to see a good loss because i've stayed away from chips and coke this week but obviously i need to work harder...

I'm so frustrated !!!!!
Hoping everyone else is having better luck..
Sami Xx

PS. i'll post tomorrow about this weeks task

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Weekly task - Big Brother style..

Hi everyone,
after consulting with my motivator and just general arse kicker Gabs, i've decided to set myself weekly goals. I'm going to run it like a task.. Big Brother style !!!

My husband and i were talking today and discussing when i put the majority of my weight on. He said it was when he went to East Timor the first time.. However, within a couple of weeks of him going, i started at the job that i'm in at the moment. And this, i;ve decided is what's triggered the weight gain. I don't think. I know. Since i started there, i've changed completely. I'm stressed out all the time, on edge.. Anddddd there are vending machines in our tea room. Big ones. And i'm their best customer. I can sit at work and eat 2 packets of chips and 2 cans of coke PER DAY. Ans then in the afternoon if i'm bored i might have some chocolate. It's not acceptable. It's like i'm deliberately trying to sabotage myself and it stops now.

Therefore- this weeks task is to not go near the vending machines at all. Except for bottles of water. These are now a no go zone. The task for the week is to not have ANY chips OR coke out of the vending machines from work. I'm going to take Sprite zero from home instead. I'm thinking i should have a good loss if i cut these out.

Lookout Monday- It's on like donkey kong biiiiatch !!!!!

In the future where will I be ?

It's been a reallly uneventful few days for Me. Hence why i haven't written anything.. But i just found myself screaming at my husband and shouting obscenities because i'm hungry and i'm so so over the liquid phase. Not that i've been realllly sticking to it when i'm honest. But i've tried. And i've had a good go, but i have had a few little slip ups. We all do though in this phase. We're human. However, we know what we should be doing and then when we cheat and eat our brain tricks us into thinking we're criminals and then we beat ourselves up consistently. In my case it's not because of what i've eaten or anything else. I just get the guilts because i can't stick to what i'm supposed to.. It's a vicious cycle because then you start feeling bad and like a failure. And then the emotional eating kicks in. Realistically though- the pre and post op phases are a bit of a joke. They don't ask junkies to go off crack two weeks before rehab..

It really really sucks. Like reallllllly sucks. And i can't have a fill for another 3 weeks or so- my Dr is on leave and out of town so no deal there. So i'm trying to do liquids- fill-less. 0ml in my band. Grrrrrrrrrr. No wonder i'm starving and cranky and have cheated. Not that that's a justification. Another contributing factor to my ravenousness though is the visit from lovely Aunt Flo. I have a lot of problems in that area so long story short i've had no visits for a few months and now it's been terrible for the last 2.5-3 weeks. And not normal- buckets. Lovely i know.. So to make matters worse i have no restriction, my hormones are all over the shop and they have been for the last few weeks and i want to eat anything that's not moving. Oh the joys of it all !

I hope everyone out there in band land is having a better time with it than i am at the moment.
I'm just hanging out to start exercising again and to get some fill. I'm starting to make plans. On the exercise front i'm going to start going to step, spin and pump. I'll hate it to start with.. But i know it's what i need to do to reach my goal. My band will help me with food. I just need to kick my lazy ass into gear and get to the gym to do those classes !!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

H20= good !!

Hey hey !

today was another interesting, eventful one. I started my day with a trip to the dentist. I hadn't been in about 10 years so naturally, i need a couple of fillings and i know i grind my teeth so they suggested i get an occlusal splint. Apparently this will help with my headaches as well and my teeth are reallllly hurties in the morning after waking up and grinding them. So they did one filling today and i have to have the others in a couple of weeks. I'm thinking, that i may become a dentist. $1750 worth of treatment i'll have in the next couple of weeks not counting today's $230 ! Crikey !

On the band front, i'm craving water. That's it, you heard me right.. WATER !! I know it's a random thing to crave but i think it's excellent ! I really don't drink enough of it to be realllly honest. And i need to start if i'm to get the healthy glow that i want. I updated my ticker today as well. Now i've lost a grand total of 17.7 kg since banding !! YAY me ! And i must say that all this slip business has sucked huge time, but my recovery has been much much better.

ughhh work tomorrow. god i hate it. hate it with the fire of a thousand suns.

think of me.. slaving away.

Sami Xx

ticker - lost the pin to the old one. silly thing. lol !!

Saturday, June 14, 2008

liquid phase. How exceptional.

Hey everyone,
well i had my surgery on Wednesday and today is Saturday so i guess that i'm now 4 days post op. It's going pretty well so far but i must admit i'm with my family at the moment i'm finding the liquids thing a bit hard to handle again. It was hard enough the first time and i knew it was going to suck but just underestimated how hard.. again. I'm trying my absolute hardest to stay on the liquids and not cheat and sneak normal foods but my willpower is being so so SO tested at the moment. As i said, i think it's because i'm with my family and it's making it harder. God it sucks !!

Also, i've not done any exercise either but i suppose i have only had my surgery 4 days ago. I feel lazy and i really want to get into it- but i'm sore and i can't at the moment. So i feel lazy and then i feel guilty and then i want to eat and it alllll starts again. I'd love comments from anyone about how far into the liquid phase they cheated and ate real food. Not as a justification to make myself feel ok with doing it- because i'm reallly trying to do the liquid this time.

I just feel useless.
Yours in misery-
Sami Xx

Thursday, June 12, 2008

i'm out of hospital.. now onward and upward !!!

Hi everybody !!!

well i'm out and i survived ! only just though. My surgeon told Me that he was only going to pull my stomach through the band and re-suture but he told me this morning that he had to take the whole band off and do it again.. Not quite sure why but it's done now anyway. Feeling a touch like all My ribs are broken but apart from that i'm pretty good this time. I'm determind and i'm motivated and this is going to happen for Me. Even if i have to work my arse off for it !

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for their well wishes- i appreciate them very very much. As you can see, i've changed my blog address (after some gentle persuasion from Bridget) I just couldn't work the other one out. So at least with this one it's a bit more idiot proof and i can post pics and stuff. LOL !!!

I've resisted the urge to get on the scales.. even though i desperately want to !! i just know that i want my goal weight to be around 68 kg. that might be a bit thin though cos i'm 174 cm tall. i shall see how i go definitely.

well i best go and try and sip sip sip.. and i'm going to try and add a ticker to this thing. get a bit techno savvy...

yours in determination.

Sami Xx
PS. i nearly punched on at the x-ray department this morning. the stupid heads made me drink that yukky aniseed crap. i wouldn't mind but far out it gives you the trots something chronic !!!!

Me at about 80kg

And My reflection troubles Me.. So here I go..

And My reflection troubles Me.. So here I go..
Goodevening guys,
well i'm home finally ! it's such a long drive. i had to come home and get weighed at my surgeon. and..... i haven't lost anything. but, the super news is that i haven't put on anything since i last saw him either. i reckon that's a pretty fair effort for having no fill ! but as i said in last night's post, i'm so so nervous.. i so desperately want this to work but it's so hard. i think- after all this time, that my head is ready. that takes alot for me to say because i've kind of felt like i deserved to have my band slip. i was naughty with the liquid and mushies stages and ate normal food, and i didn't chew properly.. and i was so so lazy. but i am confident in saying i've learnt my lesson.

this band has taught me so much already, not just about who i am with the band, but about who I am. i've been so lost and confused for so long i haven't even known who i am. and now with everything that's happened, i'm slowly beginning to feel like me again. and i haven't felt like that for soooo long i was trying to fight it, but i can't anymore.

when i get out of hospital i shall post about how it all went..
i'm not calling for a second chance, i'm screaming at the top of my voice
Posted: 8:22 PM, 10/6/2008

massive MASSIVE day !!

massive MASSIVE day !
hi guys,
just a quick one tonight. had to drive to cairns this morning from townsville to drop my daughter off with my family while i have my surgery on wednesday. (my husband is in the magical army and is out bush.. mmhmm) and tomorrow i have to drive alllllll the way home and then see the surgeon. and then surgery wednesday. it's so so so hard. and i'm not looking forward to it. it was bad enough the first time. i can only imagine how excellent it'll be this time getting through all that scar tissue. lovely.

i hope all you other bandsters are holding down the fort for me in the weightloss stakes !! i currently have no fill in my band and i suck with a capital S. bring on wednesday. even though it'll hurt again.. and i'll have to be on opti for another 2 weeks.. again !!!
blog soon-
sami xx
Posted: 8:58 PM, 9/6/2008

yes i know.. i'm slack.

yes i know.. i'm slack.
hey guys !
long time no see i know. but i'm just so so so technologically retrded these days i kind of put the blog in the too hard basket ! but a few little voices.. not mentioning anyone (trish, gabs and bridget) have told me to keep updating.. because it can be like my little online diary. even if noone reads it. so here it is.

i've been banded for a couple of months now (banded on the 13/02/08 and alot has happened in that time. i've gone from 123.8 the day of the op to now sitting on 107.8 today which is really exciting.. but my food choices havn't been great and nor has my exercise really. i've been a bit slack to be really honest. a couple of weeks ago i got a stomach bug and spent like 4 days spewing my hole out.. and i think you're going to guess what happens next. yep, you got it. my band has slipped. when my surgeon told me i was absolutely crushed. i initially called him because i thought the band was just irritated because every time i tried to eat something it was a no go and everytime i tried to have a drink, even water, it was like a gurgling sink. and then if i coughed or anything i'd throw up everywhere. (i even spewed down my leg and in my bed one night while trying to hold in the vomit and skip off to the toilet at the same time. LOL !) so he advised me that i should come in in the morning. i went in to see him and he took the fluid out which was a major relief to be able to drink again and he said he didn't think it was anything major, that i'd just irritated it with all the vomiting, but to get one of those lovely barium swallows just to make sure. and we all know the result of that. a slip.

as i said, i was devastated when he told me. utterly crushed. the dude in the xray department said it was fine it hadn;t slipped and then the surgeon came back to me with yes it had. i was so confused. the first thing i wanted to do was go over to the radiograpgher and punch him in the face because i was so SO upset. i felt like he had let me down. and then my surgeon came up with this magical plan that we would "manage" the slip. ie. not have surgery to reposition. but then i started getting all refluxy again and all that jazz so he called me back in last week and again took all the fluid out of my band (he put 3 ml back in when he'd told me it had slipped) and booked me for surgery which is next wednesday. so i've been having a pretty tough time of late. at one point there i just wanted the band off. wish i'd never had the silly thing put on in the first place.. but then i came to my senses and realised that i couldn't have lost the weight i have already without it and that i need to get it fixed and keep myself motivated and going.. and i still have another 40 kg to lose and i've not been able to do it on my own previously so i'm pretty sure that if i got the band taken off that my willpower would still be MIA.

i just need to tell myself that this is a good thing that has happened. and this time, i'm going to do it right. and update my blog !!


sami Xx
Posted: 10:56 PM, 8/6/2008

Hello out there !!

Hello out there !!
Hi Everyone !
My name is Sam and this is My first blog entry. My blog is about.. drumroll.. My lap Band surgery. I was banded on the 13/02/08 in Townsville by Dr Peter Bovey (who might I say is a very clever rooster indeed !)
I wanted to start writing this blog because since I made the decision to have this surgery I have sourced so much support and have been greatly reassured by other bandits with blogs and now i'd like to share My experience.
The lap band is a huge decision to make. Let Me start by saying that i've been big My whole life (except for when I was around 19 and being a nightclub dj.. not sleeping and living on Duromine !) Now i'm 22 and i've decided I'm well over looking and feeling like fat albert 24/7. On the day I was banded I weighed 123.8. Now i'm stagnating on around 116. Still a good loss for around 5.5 weeks though ! I can honestly say to anyone out there who is considering being banded, that this is singlehandedly the hardest thing I have ever done in My life. But i'm sure that when i reach My goal weight i won;t be feeling like that !

Just wanted to give you a bit of a background about Me, would love to hear from anyone with questions, my email is,
So signing off for now..
Yours in losing,
Sami Xx
Posted: 8:38 AM, 25/3/2008