The Green Eyed Monster..

This blog is going to be a rant- you have been warned.

I know i'm not the best person in the world to keep up with the exercise and the good eating but i mean there are worse people than me that are losing a whole lot more weight. I know i've had a setback with the slipped band and that but it fucks me off no end to see people that were banded after me and have lost more. My health is also not in the best shape at the moment but i just cannot help beating myself and simply being- jealous. People lose weight at different rates bla bla bla.. you'll get there.. bla bla bla. It's just shit. I've been kicking myself cos I haven't lost more, it's like i've plateaued and now i don't know what to do. It just shits me. I've booked myself in for a fill on Tuesday though. Only having 2.5ml in is utterly ridiculous.

Now on to the rant about my doctors. I'm still having iron injections because i'm STILL bleeding. Yep you heard it right.. after all this time, i'm still going. They've put me on 6 progesterone pills a day and it's still not stopping it. I'm so annoyed. I'm annoyed that i feel like crap, i'm annoyed at the medical bills i have to pay and most of all i'm annoyed at their incompetence. Theior latest theory is that there might be some placenta left in my womb from when i had my daughter 2.5 years ago.. They dug some out during a D&C last year but they think i might have to have another one. I tell you what, if they do and there's anything in there i'll be taking legal action. They didn't find the first bit of placenta until my daughter was 14 months old so by the stage i had pelvic inflamatory disease from all that yukky being left in there for so long so then they told me cos of that infection my fallopian tubes are possibly rooted and to fall pregnant again i might need IVF. More money.. Theiving bastard doctors. So i'll blog about how all that crap goes down as it happens.

Finally, I have to DJ this party in a couple of weeks and i cannot find an outfit. Everything i look at is frigging horrid or alternatively made for a 50 year old. It's starting to become a major fashion crisis. This party is like two and a half weeks away !! At this point i'll be going to the camping stores to enquire about embellished circus tents.

On a more positive note i'm losing my voice. How exceptional when you work in a call centre.
Send me positive vibes people !!

Sami Xx

Weekly tasks are back like cooked crack !

Ok, i know i've been slack on the weekly task front but i've been sick and tired and over everything. I've just been on a real downer the last week and being back on those nasty injections doesn't help. And being ravenous isn't real flash either just quietly ! So i've booked a fill for next tuesday and i suppose i'll just have to suffer the dreaded 101.9 til then. BUT this is where the weekly task comes in..

I have a magical exercise bike sitting in my lounge room that sits there looking lovely. My aim for the week is to ride the fucker for 45 minutes every day in a bid to try and get me under the hundred as quick as possible. I'm busting to be into the double digits.. Not that i'm behaving like it though i must admit. So that's the goal for this week.

I've had a really bad day at work today. I want to stab work through it's bastard demon heart. I was in the door for like 10 minutes and my team leader was getting up me.. Usually my TL is rad but today no way. PIssed me off no end. So then i was pissed from 8 in the morning til i walked out of the silly place at 5.20. I need to get myself organised, sort out what i wanna do and get on with it. If i'm going to do my degree i need to get on with it and stop fucking around !!!

I've been thinking to myself about this weight loss thing what i'd like to do for myself as an ultimate goal.. and as the Tiffany ring is out of reach at the moment i had to come up with an alternative. So, i was walking past this glamour photography place in Campbelltown when i was in Sydney and there was this pic in the window of this chick all done up but she was naked. You could see none of her bits but by george it was tasteful. It really was a beautiful photo. So i've decided that's what i'm going to do- pose naked. But i want the pic done the same as that chicks.. And after i get my tits done as well. I've never been brave enough to think about doing that but i'm motivated. I know i can do this. And so can all of you reading this.

Stay positive-
Sami Xx

Shit of a day

Today started out fairly good.. (No movement on the scales but that's another story..lol) until around 2 o'clock when i get a call from my Dr's office (GP), saying come in the doc needs to see you about your blood test results so that's cool.. Arranged to flex off with my team leader and went to the doctors. Turns out my iron levels and stores are so fucked again from all this bleeding that not only aren't the iron pills i've been taking are not working, that i have to go back on injections every second day until my levels come back up. Now for those of you who haven't had experience with iron injections before, they're intramuscular and the only needle that's worse than iron is penicillin. They leave bick black stains and i'm talking the size of a hand wherever they give them to you.. And just generally they are nasty motherfuckers cos they hurt so bad. So i had one today and obviously did not feel like going back to work. I went a touch rank at my Dr telling him i'm over this shit.. I've spent hand over fist in dr's bills in the last year to get no answers and i'm sick to death of getting the same old bullshit story.

Then at work earlier in the day i chipped my tooth. I was soooooooo pissed. I grind my teeth and i got a splint a couple of weeks ago but obviously the damage has been done and yeah i chipped it. It's not noticeable but it's noticeable to me.

Then i get home only to fight with the commando cos he wants to go out drinking with his fuckwit mates. God he shits me sometimes.. All men are selfish bastards !!!!
Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Peace out.
Sami Xx

Fill Update !

So ok, i only got my fill this morning and i was thinking to myself wow.. measly 2.5 ml. Excellent. But i slept most of the day and only had a chance to eat some lunch around 4 pm and i tell you what- i have restriction !! Finally !! I'd almost forgotten what it was like.. Not getting things stuck or anything but there's ddefinitely a difference.. I'm so excited. Score !!! Maybe the surgeon was right about the thickening around the band.. Suppose i'll just have to get my act together and try and get below this hundred with this fill.. It's only like donkey kong bridget ! (We're both wavering around the same weight so we've decided to have a race to get to 99.9.. and also to not weigh ourselves til next monday.. that'll be murder !)

Does anyone have any comments or suggestions on what they would like me to talk about on my blog or how i can improve it ? I'd love to hear !!

I took the sweet life but never knew i'd be bitter from the sweet

Where do i start today ? The last few days i've been up and down like a yoyo. That's an understatement. I've been so so hungry alll the time and because i get hungry then i psych out which isn't fun for anyone around me because my body goes mental. Thank god my surgeon got me in today so, yes.. I FINALLY got some fill !!! The Dr only gave me 2.5 ml because he said there'd be thickening around the band now and he doesn't want to fill me but i'm back in for review and possibly more fill in about 3 weeks time. The good news is my weight is staying stable so that's a good thing indeed. It's been raining in sunny Townsville which is a rare occurrence so the walking has been a bit stagnant but i did go on saturday so that's a step in the right direction. But otherwise i've been a bit slack.

Finally went to the GP yesterday about the fact that Aunt Flo is STILL here visiting.. I didn't really want to go because i knew i'd just hear the same old shit and didn't really feel like paying $100 bucks for that privelege just at that point in time. But i went. Now i'm back on the provera pills to try and stop the bleeding and give me a break for ten days or so. The only problem with this is that when you go off that wretched stuff you have the "withdrawal bleed." I can't friggin win.. And i'm so over it. I'm lucky to have lost as much weight as i have so far with all the other crap going on.

I suppose for now that i just need to be content with the fact that i have some fill.. I have a goal which i'll write about later on today. At this point it seems unachievable but i need to try anyway..

Sami Xx

Bleughh

I've been sooooo hungry i could eat one of my lounge cushions or the leg off a chair or something ! And i've noticed that since i've had no fill my blood sugar is going everywhere from being hungry and then i instantly feel like i'm going to vomit everywhere. Ahhh the wonder of the band. When i'm filled i don't get any of that which is a godsend cos i'm one psycho bitch when i haven't eaten and i'm hungry !!

Got on the scales this morning and had put on 0.5kg. I was sooo pissed. Particularly when i've been trying so hard to behave myself- (although i am thinking that the pizza i had on tuesday night and the leftover pizza i had last night would not have helped the loss situation much. LOL !!) So tonight i've made sure i've been really good- watching what i eat, but unfortunately still haven't exercised. The Commando is out bush at the moment and so i've slipped back into the single mother role nicely.. this is my day.

5.30 am - get up and have a shower

6am - breakfast time and the various cocktail of pills i take

6.15 - get charlie up and dress her and organise her things for daycare

6.35 - drive the commando to work

7.15 - drop Charlie off at daycare

7.50 - work.. YUK !!!!!!!

5.20pm - finish work.. yay !!!

5.35 - rush to pick charlie up from daycare.

5.45 - venture to get the commando if he hasn't already got a lift and had a relaxing

afternoon at home..

6.15 - get home and cook dinner and put on a load of washing- yay.

7 pm - eat dinner

8 - try to get the little monster to sleep

9 - hang washing out

9.20 - chill on the net for a while

10-11 - somewhere here i crawl into bed..

This routine is all pending if the commando is home of course. if not it's all me.. so bathing charlie and all of that stuff i get to do as well- hence my week is incredibly busy and with my other problem i get tired really quickly and don't get enough sleep as it is by the time i wind down. When he gets back this time though i'm going to try and make a conscious effort to walk 5 days per week- minimum !! I've lost so much weight now that my belly and my boobs look like plastic bags full of water cos i haven't really kept up the exercise to tone my skin..

Anyway- this blog is a marathon.. but i'll leave you with this. a pic of me and my bestie at my 21st when i was weighing around 104kg.. i'm now 102 =Di'm the sexy blonde on the left. lol !!!

keep fighting the good fight everyone..

Sami Xx

Apologies for my absense

Hey everyone,

Sorry i haven't blooged for a while- had a lot of personal stuff going on and had to whip down south for a bit. It's been a crappy week physically and emotionally.. So i thought i'd lose nothing cos i've been eating myself stupid and hardly exercising. But my goodness- does the weight loss lord move in mysterious ways ?!!!! I lost 0.4. Not much i admit but still a loss !!!! So i'm pretty ecstatic over that. Espeically given the surplus of emotional eating and that going on for the week.. And the lack of exercise of course.

And while we're talking about exercise, might i mention that it's STILL that time of the month. I'm so cranky. Cos now i'm at the stage where i'm almost blacking out when i stand up. It sucks so so bad. I don't know what to do cos the doctors don't know what to do without doing a hysterectomy (i bleed through all contraceptives. excellent.) I'm really at my wits end and i think that this is reallllly starting to stall my weight loss. Thinking i might go to my doctor on my day off and yell at him some more and get a referral to yet ANOTHER gynaecologist..

Failed the last goal miserably. Still trying to get myself drinking water.. And am definitely going to endeavour trying pilates. Apparently it's gold for losing belly fat (which i have plenty of. hehe !!)

Love to all guys,
Sami Xx

My goal..

This dress is my goal. It's a Sass and Bide dress and i have it in grey.. it's so so cute and will look absolutely awesome with a nice pair of metallic sandals in summer. It was one of those things that i bought and has been sitting in the too fat to fit yet drawer for almost a year. This dress is my goal- it's what i want to wear on christmas day. It's a size 10 dress and it's just lovely. But i'd better get my skates on if i want to hit size 10 by christmas !!!!

Tough Week =(

Hi Everyone,
i've had a pretty tough week this week. Been reallly struggling with everything. Working hard and seeing no results really sucks !! I had a deal on with Bridget that we weren't going to weigh in until yesterday and i got on the scales and hadn't lost a cracker.. I was so- deflated. Deflated is really the only word i can think of to describe my disappointment. It's very hard too because i'm still another 10 days off fill (my dr is away on annual leave..) So i have no restriction, i'm starving 24/7 and i can eat what i like. Excellent.

On a brighter note, i got on the scales this morning expecting to see 106 like i did yesterday.. and to my delight i see... drumroll... 104.4 !!!! So excited ! I'm still hurting from that silly pump class though.. But it must have done some good i'm thinking !! Bridget's going to start doing Pilates.. I'm thinking i might have a crack at it- it might help me relax and wind down from work.. Or maybe Yoga ? Does anyone know if these are good for weight loss ?

Keep up the great work guys !
Sami Xx

Damn that nazi Pump Bitch !!!

Today i had the pleasure of attending my first pump class. It was less than enjoyable i must admit. I feel good knowing that i actually made the effort to get out there.. But my body is screaming at me for it. And food will no longer be an issue i'm feeling. Because i may never be able to move my arms OR legs ever again.

My husband came with me for moral support. I'm going to refer to him in the blog from now on as "The Commando". He's just informing me that it's good that i'm sore because the sorer you are the more energy you'll be burning trying to repair the muscles. That's a great thing to know. Big help. Thanks hun.

I'm thinking tomorrow night if i'm feeling upto it after work i might have a crack at Body Step. Not sure yet but i'll see how it goes.. I'm at work until 5.30 so i might be a bit knackered. But i'll definitely try.

I hope everyone else is feeling good and getting into. Bring on the fill !!!!!
Sami Xx