Enough is enough !!

Right. I've had it. Absolutely had it up to the roof.

For those of you who don't know me and haven't talked to me before, i have a medical condition. One of many really but this is the one that makes everything bugger up. I don't have regular periods i bleed and bleed and bleed for months on end. This in turn makes me badly anaemic and then i have to have blood transfusions and all sorts of other wonderful things to make me better. So at the moment i'm up to week 3 and nearly blacking out when i stand up so i've decided enough is enough !!! They don't know what's wrong with me and i've been poked and prodded and had every test done under the sun for the last 12 years and still nothing. I'm so very over it. Last time i saw the gynaecologist he gave me these pills called Provera to stop the bleeding and said i need to take the pill (the pill makes me sick though.. go figure ?!) so long story short today i got jack of it all and started taking the Provera to stop the bleeding. And i'll have to try and take another type of pill i suppose.. I feel like absolute crap which is making it impossible to do anything and all i want to do it eat to get my energy levels up which doesn't work anyway.. And then i'm nearly blacking out all the time so makes it almost impossible to exercise. Drives me bloody nuts !!!!

Sorry for grossing everyone out but thought you should know the full story. And this problem settles right down and i develop a regular cycle when i'm thin. So i just realllllly need to keep my eyes on the prize so i can lose weight and fix it !!

Xx

Weekly task - week 2

Soooo last week i conquered the vending machine task with flying colours. It was hard but i got through it. So i've had a good long hard think to myself and this week my task is going to be.. To choose water more over Sprite Zero. Now i love love love Sprite Zero to bits. But because of my love for it, i hardly ever choose water. So this week my primary task it to choose water more and my secondary task is to check out some of the exercise classes at the gym.

In the exercise department i must admit i had a bit of a win today.. I ran up a hill. That's pretty cool. It was a steep big hill too. I can't wait until my fitness is good enough that i can sling on my workout clothes and announce that i'm going for a run. That will be an exciting moment for me definitely.

What will be even more exciting is when i can get some fill in my band. That will make me very excited. All i want is to not feel hungry between meals like i was before my slip..

Soon hopefully. Wish me luck on this week's task !!
Sami Xx

So cranky i could tear my hair out !!!!

I want to start this blog post on a positive note.

I won the weekly task.. and successfully stayed AWAY from the vending machine at work. how exciting !!!!!!!!!!

And got on the scales yesterday and saw 105.5 and i was pretty excited because the scales had moved.. Not much, but any move is a good move ! Until this morning. And i got on and saw 106.6. Pissed off is an understatement. I was so so cranky.. I've been working my arse off and it feels like for absolutely nothing. Not that i should be weighing mind you.. Aunt Flo is still visiting. For the 3rd consecutive week. So that's making me cross and sick as well. Just feels like everything is so bloody hard at the moment. I was expecting to see a good loss because i've stayed away from chips and coke this week but obviously i need to work harder...

I'm so frustrated !!!!!
Hoping everyone else is having better luck..
Sami Xx

PS. i'll post tomorrow about this weeks task

Weekly task - Big Brother style..

Hi everyone,
after consulting with my motivator and just general arse kicker Gabs, i've decided to set myself weekly goals. I'm going to run it like a task.. Big Brother style !!!

My husband and i were talking today and discussing when i put the majority of my weight on. He said it was when he went to East Timor the first time.. However, within a couple of weeks of him going, i started at the job that i'm in at the moment. And this, i;ve decided is what's triggered the weight gain. I don't think. I know. Since i started there, i've changed completely. I'm stressed out all the time, on edge.. Anddddd there are vending machines in our tea room. Big ones. And i'm their best customer. I can sit at work and eat 2 packets of chips and 2 cans of coke PER DAY. Ans then in the afternoon if i'm bored i might have some chocolate. It's not acceptable. It's like i'm deliberately trying to sabotage myself and it stops now.

Therefore- this weeks task is to not go near the vending machines at all. Except for bottles of water. These are now a no go zone. The task for the week is to not have ANY chips OR coke out of the vending machines from work. I'm going to take Sprite zero from home instead. I'm thinking i should have a good loss if i cut these out.

Lookout Monday- It's on like donkey kong biiiiatch !!!!!

In the future where will I be ?

It's been a reallly uneventful few days for Me. Hence why i haven't written anything.. But i just found myself screaming at my husband and shouting obscenities because i'm hungry and i'm so so over the liquid phase. Not that i've been realllly sticking to it when i'm honest. But i've tried. And i've had a good go, but i have had a few little slip ups. We all do though in this phase. We're human. However, we know what we should be doing and then when we cheat and eat our brain tricks us into thinking we're criminals and then we beat ourselves up consistently. In my case it's not because of what i've eaten or anything else. I just get the guilts because i can't stick to what i'm supposed to.. It's a vicious cycle because then you start feeling bad and like a failure. And then the emotional eating kicks in. Realistically though- the pre and post op phases are a bit of a joke. They don't ask junkies to go off crack two weeks before rehab..

It really really sucks. Like reallllllly sucks. And i can't have a fill for another 3 weeks or so- my Dr is on leave and out of town so no deal there. So i'm trying to do liquids- fill-less. 0ml in my band. Grrrrrrrrrr. No wonder i'm starving and cranky and have cheated. Not that that's a justification. Another contributing factor to my ravenousness though is the visit from lovely Aunt Flo. I have a lot of problems in that area so long story short i've had no visits for a few months and now it's been terrible for the last 2.5-3 weeks. And not normal- buckets. Lovely i know.. So to make matters worse i have no restriction, my hormones are all over the shop and they have been for the last few weeks and i want to eat anything that's not moving. Oh the joys of it all !

I hope everyone out there in band land is having a better time with it than i am at the moment.
I'm just hanging out to start exercising again and to get some fill. I'm starting to make plans. On the exercise front i'm going to start going to step, spin and pump. I'll hate it to start with.. But i know it's what i need to do to reach my goal. My band will help me with food. I just need to kick my lazy ass into gear and get to the gym to do those classes !!

H20= good !!

Hey hey !

today was another interesting, eventful one. I started my day with a trip to the dentist. I hadn't been in about 10 years so naturally, i need a couple of fillings and i know i grind my teeth so they suggested i get an occlusal splint. Apparently this will help with my headaches as well and my teeth are reallllly hurties in the morning after waking up and grinding them. So they did one filling today and i have to have the others in a couple of weeks. I'm thinking, that i may become a dentist. $1750 worth of treatment i'll have in the next couple of weeks not counting today's $230 ! Crikey !



On the band front, i'm craving water. That's it, you heard me right.. WATER !! I know it's a random thing to crave but i think it's excellent ! I really don't drink enough of it to be realllly honest. And i need to start if i'm to get the healthy glow that i want. I updated my ticker today as well. Now i've lost a grand total of 17.7 kg since banding !! YAY me ! And i must say that all this slip business has sucked huge time, but my recovery has been much much better.



ughhh work tomorrow. god i hate it. hate it with the fire of a thousand suns.

think of me.. slaving away.



Sami Xx

ticker - lost the pin to the old one. silly thing. lol !!