Wow

Hey guys,
yes i am aware it's early o'clock and the rooster has just crowed... it's pathetic. My daughter is sick and has been up most of the night so i'll have to take her to the dr's AGAIN. I swear to god Qld Health is on the news for a reason, they are PATHETIC !!!! My poor little piggy has been sick on and off for months with this silly flu- as have i but for weeks, not months. So yeah i'm just hanging out for 7:30 to rock around so i can call work and tell them i'm not coming in. I'm sure they'll be very impressed. Not. That's one of the major things that sucks about the army and being an army wife. You don't have a support network. And like my employer are pretty good and fairly flexible but still i'd rather be working than at home watching her bullshit on tv all day- and she'll be tempramental as well because she's sick. Guaranteed that by 10 am i'll want to stab Dorothy the Dinosaur in the eyes.

Anyway, because i'm up when the rooster crowed this morning (actually it was something silly like 4 am when i finally gave up and though i'll just get up.. my sleep was broken all night anyway..) i decided to go surfing round everyone's blogs- which i haven't done for ages !!

It's absolutely wonderful to see how great everyone is going !! Makes you think we're all in the same situation, we all get frustrated with restriction and we all plateau- which sucks, that i'm not denying, but it happens to the best of us. Anyway so on with my story.. One of the blogs had virtual models ( a couple did actually) and so i decided to steal their idea basically..

So, the top one was of me at starting weight - 123.8. Absolutely hideous to say out loud.
The next one is where i'm sitting at now- 97.7
And the final one is where i want to be at my goal- which i have changed my mind and decided i now want to be 70. Initially it was 65 and then i realised when i met my friend for lumch yesterday that that's ridiculous. She's a good food shorter than me and she is a size 10 and weighs 68kg. So me being 65- would clearly make me look anorexic. Not the look i'm going for at all..

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Oh happy day !

Hey everyone !

well today was my day off from work which is always good but tomorrow is one of my long days. I still have the flu terribly and my throat is KILLING me !! But other than that it's all good. Today i just did me activities. Which involved spending a SHITLOAD of cash to prepare for this magical party saturday night. I started off with a spa pedicure, then went to the dr.. fun fun fun ! Then i met up with Loz my friend from Melbourne. Shoutout to Loz if you're reading this !! Was soooooo good to see her. Didn't realise how much i actually missed her until i saw her ! Then we fucked around a bit and had lunch and i bought the "queen bee" charm for my gold themed pandora bracelet and then, it was down to business. I ordered a top online for the party (praying to god it gets here in time !) And i needed bottoms. So i thought.. Hmmm ok, Jeans West make small fits but i'll try on the 20. Low and beh0ld i had to get the 18 !! And they weren't tight. That's what i was wearing when i met my husband at 80 kg mind you- (they were faded as and stretched to the shithouse but still..) pretty big achievement in my book !!!! So that made my day.

Then i dropped Lauren home and whipped off to look at shoes for the party and got these ones that make my legs look hot hot hot !! Shame they'll be under jeans but meh what the hell. For future reference. LOL !! Then it was time to get my lashes tinted and permed and my eyebrows tinted and waxed. So the me day was a great success overall i'm feeling.

In the shower i shaved my legs and all that shit and exfoliated as well so now i smell like peony flowers and did my face peel as well. If i left it to tomorrow or thursday i'd be getting over it and thinking mmmm can't be bothered.. lol. People that read this probably think OMG what a high maintenance chick ! Ah well, beauty does have a price as they say.

In my busy schedule i didn't eat much and i got on the exercise bike for half hour which was good. So so hot in Tonwsville at the moment i can feel the kilos dripping off !!!!

Hope everyone else had a day as brilliant as mine. Thinking of you all,

Sami Xx

PS. I've put a pic up the top of the top i ordered for this magical party.. Hopefully the silly thing gets here in time !!!!

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Dear hips and stomach, i fucking HATE you. Love Sam

Ok so the scales still aren't moving, i'm going to hit the gym again tomorrow morning. I've had the flu so i must admit i've been a bit lax on the exercise but still.. i'm eating nothing ! I'm so close to fitting into size 16 pants and still wavering around the 98 kg mark and my legs and that are looking so skinny but the fat on my stomach and the fact that i have hips that you can drive a truck through is not helping me fit into those damn size 16 pants !!!!! on the food side of things this last fill has really kicked in. i have to be really careful with what i eat and i can't eat much at all (eg. cold and flu tablets getting stuck.) so that'll help i hope. i just need to up my water and my exercise !! i've got the grandparents anniversary party this saturday so looks like i'll have to wear jeans (hoping i'll fit into a 20 from jeans west..) i should if i'm nearly a 16 in normal pants !!!!! but you never know. tomorrow is my day off so i'm going to the gym, then the dr, then my girl lauren is in town !!! we've been friends for ages and i've missed her like crazy so we're going to catch up. i so wish we were closer.. love her to death !!! i'll put a pic up from the good old days.. lol !! tomorrow i'm going to aim for more than 5 seconds on the elliptical machine. wish me luck guys !!!! til next time.. xx

PS. In the pic is lauren on the left, me in the middle (at around 82 kg) and my ex housemate margie on the right. not the best pic but we're hotties all the same.. well i think so.. lol !

When it's sink or swim You've gotta think to win !

Well i joined a gym. It's official. I joined on the weekend and it's Tuesday today and i have the flu and it would have been so easy for me to not go but i made my bitch arse go ! And i went and did about 5 seconds on the elliptical machine (nearly killed me..lol) then 30 minutes on the treadmill with the incline on 3.5 and at 5.5 km's an hour then about 25 minutes on the exercise bike. So i was pretty pleased overall with that effort ! Specially when i'm sick and i still went !

Then i had to go see my surgeon and got a fill so that was good too- he gave me a ml.. I have restriction at meal times but i've been finding that i'm getting hungry between meals. So now i have 6.5 ml in. I wouldn't have bothered getting any at all in if i wasn't snacking between meals but i have been so i did. I'd lost about 3 kg since i last saw the Dr a month ago so they were really happy with that. (I'm not). But i'm fluidy as a motherfucker as well which isn't fun, i've been finding i'm so swollen that i've got to jam my wedding rings on in the morning.

Still no luck with a dress for my grandparents anniversary party- however have struck gold for the army ball in November. It's a Lisa Ho dress that's like a white strapless maxi dress and will look amazing up here in Townsville and then it has like this smoke print on the front and it's hard to explain but it will take away from my belly. My husband i'm thinking i'll get him a matching like gun metal grey Hugo Boss suit. We'll look hot. Just have to get to size 14.. should be achieveable. I've got 8-9 wks to do it so gotta get into it.. hoping the gym and fill will help. As for the party- no idea. Just find a nice top i'm hoping (i'm in between sizes so that's adding to my frustration) and hopefully i'll be able to buy a pair of jeans off the rack from Jeans West or something. I'll put pics up for sure of that as well. Hopefully i'll be looking flash as Michael Jackson. Well praying...

Thinking of all my fellow bandits- Xx

The cold hard fact is..

Wellll i know i haven't updated for a while but i've had so so much on ! It was my birthday last week and that was really great. Got some lovely pressies so i'm a very lucky girl but the downer is that i turned 23. I feel so so old ! My mother in law was up to help me celebrate which was good because my husband left for Germany the day before which i was a bit sad about.. But never mind. I just need to stay positive- he'll be back in a couple of weeks. But we did eat alot of crap that weekend.. LOL !!

Then i've had Charlie realllllllly sick. She's been sick on and off for months and had so much medication i can't poke a stick at but now they've finally figured out she's got asthma. She's had the nastiest cough for days and days the poor little thing. And at her daycare she keeps getting all these mosquito bites all over her. So unimpressed because she's allergic and so scratching the shit out of herself and they're scarring. The last couple of days she's not been eating or drinking though but i managed to get some fluids into her tonight which was good.

And now we talk about the dreaded weight thing. Well the Dr changed my AD's and put me on mood stabilisers as well. And he said be aware, these may make you put on weight cos it makes your brain think you're hungry.. And i kind of thought whatever i've got the band so i'll be right. WRONG !!!! I've put on like 2 kilos so back upto 99. I'm so so cranky. I've changed back to my old medication now so should start getting back into it but i've joined a gym and i'm getting a fill tomorrow so that should help. The Gym especially, if i ever have time to friggen go. But the cold hard fact at the moment is that i've slipped back into some of my old patterns and upped my liquid calories (eg. coke etc.. which hasn't helped matters..) and i feel like a big fat whale !!!! So that's in turn triggered me to feel like shit and eat a bit more. But i've walked that hill so i know i can do anything i put my mind to. I just have to get some time to do it !

I've set myself an exercise goal as well.. In about 10-15 more kilos i want to start taking dance classes. I watched Step Up and Step Up 2 on the weekend and it was awesome. I'd love to dance like that. I can see myself now ripping it up in a club somewhere. LOL. But i've always wanted to do ballroom and latin american as well.. So i'm thinking i might see if i can get into some classes for those styles. Obviously not confident enough yet- i feel like a big fat cow but yeah down the track definitely.

Hope everyone has been behaving themselves more than i have !

Sami Xx

PS. Did anyone watch dancing with the stars tonight ? Sonia's dress was by Matthew Eager and it was just stunning. That's exactly what i'd love to wear to the army ball (mid november- so very little hope there..) But it was so simple but glamourous. Loved it !!!! And the colour was like this cobalt/electric blue. It was amazing ! (If you haven't noticed i have a passion for fashion..Thinking i've missed my calling- should be a stylist. Trinny and Susannah look out !!!! LOL !)

Emotional Eat-O-Rama

Hey guys,
wellll made the appointment to go back to the Dr's today and get my antidepressants sorted out.. My daughter Charlie is unwell though as well so i've had to have ANOTHER day off work.. How i'm still employed i don't know. Must be cos i'm super awesome i'm thinking. So taking the both of us to the dr's today.

Yesterday at work though i ate myself stupid- and all crap as well. And i'm pretty sure it was all emotional eating.. Today i'm swelled up like a balloon again and yeah it's not fun at all.. Yesterday's effort food wise was...
-2 pieces of pizza (which got stuck so extra glad i didn't call the dr to get any fill..)
-2 mini crunchies
-1 giant freddo
-1 packet of twisties
-1 can of coke
-2 sprite zeroes
-2 bottles of water and
- a handful of those oven heat chips (which also got stuck.)

so yeah not real flash at all.. today i need to get back into it though. I just think the rollercoaster i've been on pushed me over the edge cos that's the first time i think since i got the band that i ate like that.. It was so disappointing.. But i came home and rode the exercise bike for ahalf an hour and then got up at 5 and rode it for half hour this morning as well ! So i'm outting the effort in now and that's what counts.. Need to brave that hill again but my husband leaves for Germany tomorrow so no way in hell i'll be pushing that pram up the hill on my own. No way !!!!

Cheers- Sami Xx

Memories seep from my veins..

This has not been a good week for me. Not at all.

As most of you readers will remember i decided to cut all my doctors away and their medication as well and try alternative therapies (which have been going wonderfully by the way..) Except at the same time i went off my anti depressants (and also cancelled my psychiatrist appointment which i'd been waiting for 3 months for..) I thought i was going along fine as i went off the AD's a couple of weeks ago and then mid last week i started snapping at my husband and picking fights and just generally feeling like i was losing control. Those of you who speak with me regularly know that i'm a pretty tough chick and i never EVER cry. This week i've felt like i'm having a nervous breakdown and have been in tears at least 3 times.. I've just basically felt like everything is spinning out of control and i don't know what to do to get things back on track..

I didn't actually put 2 and 2 together until my cousin said to me when you went off all your medication did you go off your AD's as well- then it clicked. If this week is anything to go on i need them..I'm just losing it big time.

Weight wise i've stagnated. Not moving. Which is also annoying me- specially when i walked up that bastard of a hill.. And i'm trying to lose the weight to get a good dress for this party (which i'm also supposed to be singing 4 or 5 songs at) and i currently have no voice so that's another thing that's stressing me out.

Might call the dr. and beg for a fill.. maybe if it's even just half a ml..

Xx