Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Hi, My name is Sam and i like to eat my feelings.. And i wonder why ??!!!!!

So this trip is just getting better. My lovely mother last night pulled me into her bedroom because she had bought me some pants for christmas and wanted me to try them on. These pants were the same as she was wearing.. And were grandma pants. Bridget Jones style i'm talking. So i halfheartefly pulled on the pants and as i suspected they looked fucken terrible. I'm one of these people with horridly expressive faces, so my disappointment was obviously not easily concealed.

When she saw it written all over my face how much i hated these silly pants she said to me well i'm so sick of what you wear now- you have a roll of fat on your stomach (which i do.. and will get sucked out and cut off when i get to goal !!!) and i'm a fat sloppy pig apparently. This coming from a woman who has not got her hair done or had a shred of makeup put on her bootleather face this side of 1976. Stupid bitch. My mother or not, how dare she be so callous. I've lost alot of weight and have a lot of problems that prevent me from losing more, but last night i came to a conclusion. One that has been dancing around in the back of my mind for a very long time but that i consciously did not want to accept.

Nothing i ever do will ever be good enough for her. No decision i make will ever be right.

Something she'll just have to live with suppose, like all the other crappy decisions i've made that she's forced on me.. But that's another story.

Twilight tonight, oh Edward..!!!! Anyone know a good agent ? I want to audition for Breaking Dawn. And i'm utterly serious !!!!

Sami Xx

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1 comment:

Melanie said...

Isn't it funny how we're all lusting after the dead guy! have you read his story online, Midnight Sun (it's Twilight from his perspective but there are only a few chapters - it's terrific). I had similar probs with my mum and didn't sort them until I was in the 30s - basically you're right nothing you do can ever please her so just do what you like. My mum nearly fell over once when I said "Well mum, you and I are just very different women with very different lives and very different tastes" - it was such a shock to her to think I wasn't still attached and hers to control. Hope it's all good tomorrow.