Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Hot and Cold

Hi Everyone,
sorry for the lack of posts but i've been having a hell of a time lately.. Mainly work issues. I suppose it comes with my job but just been so so stressed i can't believe it. I'm on holidays now and my head is consumed with work- i have a couple of different "disputes" we shall call them for the sake of political correctness.. and all i can think about are things like "what's going to happen next, what are they going to do to me when i get back.." feels like every bloody step i take i'm walking on eggshells and anything i say and do is being scrutinized and i'm terrified of the fear of retribution (which i've been copping lately.) Then my other worry is money.. I ended up going out on leave the other day because my doctor thought it was in the best interest of my mental health and because i have no sick leave left- got no pay. So yeah.. At the moment they control everything and i control nothing and i'm so very over it. Now i've vented about that.. Next !

My band has been playing up a treat ! I was thinking it was hormonal (due to my erratic, non existent cycle..) and i couldn't eat for about 3 weeks because it was so tight. So i finally thought ok i need some out and out of desperation went to see the fill Dr (which i hate doing because she can never find my port and then i'm sore as a motherfucker because she jabs around in my stomach for like 15 minutes) out of pure desperation to get some fill out and sure enough- she couldn't find the port. What a surprise.. NOT !! So had to wait ANOTHER week to get fill out in X-Ray. She took 1 ml out to being me back down to 5.5 and said see how i go with that.. I went back to the surgeon a week later and i was starving.. Ravenous hungry ! So he gave me 0.5 to bring me back up to 6ml. A week on I was still finding i was getting hungry like every 3 hours.. So called the fill Dr again to get a tiny bit more fill (made sure i booked it in X-Ray this time..) So now i have 6.25 ml in my 10 ml band. My Dr and the fill Dr have both said the band is a prosthesis and is not affected by hormones or other medication etc.. But when i talked to my GP about my antidepressants he said that they could have an affect and make the band feel a bit tighter. I'm a touch sick of contradicting information given by medical professionals.. Seems like they're all retarded and like to play guessing games with people's lives.

The last couple of days have been exceptionally sucky. My cycle is everywhere and didn't know where i was upto. I've been PMS'ing like a bitch (as you do when it hasn't been that time of the month since August and it's now mid November..) but i finally got it on Monday. So i'm preparing for the usual bleeding for aaaaaaaaaaaages and feeling like shit. Love love love my body.

So i haven't written for a while and those are my reasons. I've had so much to say but just haven't been in the right space in my head to write anything constructive, in fact, chances are if i did write something it would have been a rant..

Taking new progress pics in the next couple of days so stay tuned for those !!
Sami Xx



Melanie said...

Sounds like you might be at the right level now? What an ordeal for you. Mel

Gemily Lou said...

Oh - you poor thing! I am thinking of you! Please feel free to call me! :) if you wanna chat! :)

Take care hun! Lots a Love gems!

Bridget said...

You are a tough chickie, I know you'll get through this.
Can't wait for the pics!