Previous statement retracted- No fill needed !!!

Just choked after 2 bites of dinner.. Done the calculations- Don't think i need a fill. I just need to motivate my lazy arse !

Public service announcement.. I am the worst blogger EVER !!!

Yes i suck. I know this. It is a fact i am well aware of. I haven't written because i've been busy/sick/stressed..



My weight isn't moving because i haven't been doing any exercise- i feel like a big tub of lard on legs at the moment which is really quite depressing. And i have no energy at all to exercise because.. you guessed it ! It that time of the month (although i haven't had it since frigging August.) Now i've probably blogged before on how heavy it is but seriously, this is like niagra falls. I went to the Dr and he said yeah just go to the emergency department.. don't forget to pay my $60 on the way out now though will you ? Fucken useless retard !! I swear i'm not going back to him. So very over it all. Have decided to just go to bulk bill Dr's.



Which brings me to the ENT surgeon. I saw that dickhead yesterday.. I don't have nodules (*sigh of relief !!*) yet at the same time- shitfight. So yeah.. don't have to go under the knife which is a good thing cos i didn't really want them to be in there fucking around with my voice.. But the work aspect is shit.



So yeah feel like shit. Still stuck on 95 kilos (hence why i'm yet to update progress pics..). I feel like i'm going to be a big fat fuck forever.. Need a fill i'm thinking.

Why is life so hard ?!!!!!!



Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr



Sami Xx



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So over it

Hellllllo from Cairns !!!

Well i'm in sunny cairns at the moment visiting family and yeah.. It's been interesting to say the least. We're so very different. I was fighting with my mother the minute i stepped into her house which was impressive.. And i swear i'm adopted. My mother and i are like chalk and cheese. I'm into fashion and makeup- she's never worn makeup or had her hair done in her life.. I'm really girly- she's not. I'm tactful- she's downright obnoxious. Now you may think i'm harsh but here's an example. I had a Partylite party last night because i'm thinking of becoming a consultant and she was just loud and rude to the lady doing the party the whole time. Asking her questions like "so how much do you make..? bet it's not as much as Sam makes working for the government.." I bet it isn't either. But then i bet she doesn't want to kill herself rather than walk through the doors at work every morning. My mother is one of these people that thinks "government job.. cruisey.. set for life.." Newsflash for anyone reading this of that opinion. That is FALSE. It's more fucked than the private sector. To the point where you get in trouble for going 5 seconds over on your piss break. I'm so stressed- my whole holidays have been a fucked unit because i'm so stressed. It's that time of the month and i'm retaining fluid like a mofo so the scales aren't moving.. It's just been soooo crap !!! I hope everyone else is having a better time than me.

Sami Xx

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Hot and Cold

Hi Everyone,
sorry for the lack of posts but i've been having a hell of a time lately.. Mainly work issues. I suppose it comes with my job but just been so so stressed i can't believe it. I'm on holidays now and my head is consumed with work- i have a couple of different "disputes" we shall call them for the sake of political correctness.. and all i can think about are things like "what's going to happen next, what are they going to do to me when i get back.." feels like every bloody step i take i'm walking on eggshells and anything i say and do is being scrutinized and i'm terrified of the fear of retribution (which i've been copping lately.) Then my other worry is money.. I ended up going out on leave the other day because my doctor thought it was in the best interest of my mental health and because i have no sick leave left- got no pay. So yeah.. At the moment they control everything and i control nothing and i'm so very over it. Now i've vented about that.. Next !

My band has been playing up a treat ! I was thinking it was hormonal (due to my erratic, non existent cycle..) and i couldn't eat for about 3 weeks because it was so tight. So i finally thought ok i need some out and out of desperation went to see the fill Dr (which i hate doing because she can never find my port and then i'm sore as a motherfucker because she jabs around in my stomach for like 15 minutes) out of pure desperation to get some fill out and sure enough- she couldn't find the port. What a surprise.. NOT !! So had to wait ANOTHER week to get fill out in X-Ray. She took 1 ml out to being me back down to 5.5 and said see how i go with that.. I went back to the surgeon a week later and i was starving.. Ravenous hungry ! So he gave me 0.5 to bring me back up to 6ml. A week on I was still finding i was getting hungry like every 3 hours.. So called the fill Dr again to get a tiny bit more fill (made sure i booked it in X-Ray this time..) So now i have 6.25 ml in my 10 ml band. My Dr and the fill Dr have both said the band is a prosthesis and is not affected by hormones or other medication etc.. But when i talked to my GP about my antidepressants he said that they could have an affect and make the band feel a bit tighter. I'm a touch sick of contradicting information given by medical professionals.. Seems like they're all retarded and like to play guessing games with people's lives.

The last couple of days have been exceptionally sucky. My cycle is everywhere and didn't know where i was upto. I've been PMS'ing like a bitch (as you do when it hasn't been that time of the month since August and it's now mid November..) but i finally got it on Monday. So i'm preparing for the usual bleeding for aaaaaaaaaaaages and feeling like shit. Love love love my body.

So i haven't written for a while and those are my reasons. I've had so much to say but just haven't been in the right space in my head to write anything constructive, in fact, chances are if i did write something it would have been a rant..

Taking new progress pics in the next couple of days so stay tuned for those !!
Sami Xx


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STOP PRESS !!!!!!!!!

The top ones were taken on the 20/10/08- i'll be taking new full body ones on the 20/11/08

Me- May 07.. The pic that changed it all...

Ok- this is me in May last year. This is the picture that made me snap out of myself and think how absolutely fucking horrible i looked. This was what made me get the band and what drags my bitch arse out walking and to dancing and to the gym. This person is gone. Forever.

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Oh and the marks all over my face aren't acne- i actually had chicken pox. Thanks daycare..

The top ones were taken on the 20/10/08.. re-posted so you can see the comparison by request =)

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Sami.. Strictly ballroom..

This pic was taken about 2 weeks ago

As was this one..

This one was taken when i was playing superstar DJ in Brisbane in August

This one was taken last year when i was at my heaviest weight- taken around September..

This one was taken last year when i was around 118 kg in August last year

Hi everyone !

I know i've been slack on the updates but i've had that much going on you wouldn't believe it. I'm stressed out to the max from work and just beside myself. But the things we do for a dollar hey ? On a brighter note i went to dance class last night and i'm still very pleased to report that i'm loving every second !!!! Last night i didn't look like such a retard. Only in one dance.. But there's this guy there and he's one of the "actual dancers" and we all swap partners through the night and anyway i was "lucky" enough to score him for the dance that i just couldn't get (one turn in the dance..) and mind you i improved alot after dancing with him but i found him to be.. well a bit of a prick actually. Just like i was an inconvenience and he was a bit condescending and it kind of put me off a bit. Maybe he was just having a bad day..? It hasn't put me off because i still had heaps of fun and it was a brilliant workout but yeah..

Had to get fill out last week. Decided after not eating for about three and a half weeks that i was overfilled :S So i went to my dr's fill dr (whom i think is useless..) and of course she couldn't get the port. Spent like 15 minutes jabbing into my gut with the needle and then announced we'd have to arrange to do it in xray- so had to wait another week. So got a ml out now and i'm ravenous !!! As in can eat 3 pieces of pizza type hungry ! Before i had my fill out i was choking on mushies. Funny how little can affect it.. Tempramental bloody thing !!! The scales are still being retarded and my weight is slowly creeping down.. Like a snail.. But my body is definitely changing which i'm loving and i think you're really starting to see the changes in my face.. What do you reckon ?

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