Ho Ho Ho.. Merry Christmas !

Merry Christmas everyone !!!

I'm so glad it's over. I'm still in Cairns at the house of horrors and have been lazing around like a sloth. But i didn't put on anything over the silly season so that pleases me greatly !! I'm back to 95 even so it's creeping back down. The next thing on the agenda to think about i suppose is a New Year's Resolution.. Time flies when you're having fun.

One thing i have definitely noticed is that since i stopped exercising i've turned to slop. Complete and utter slop. So the next 30 Kilos is going to be alllll about exercise i'm thinking. And toning. Ryan wants me to start doing free weights too which isn't as crazy as it sounds either, apparently if you do free weights before you eat in the morning it speeds up your metabolism ten fold. Worth a crack. Only problem is i'm weak and picked up a 5 kg dumbbell in the sports store yesterday and nearly fell over. LOL !!!!!!

The family situation is yet to improve.. i am so so so so so so angry. I'll speak openly about my band with anyone that wants to hear it- except for one member of my family. I specifically did not want this person to know i'd had the band, so my mother told them that i was considering it but i was refused by the surgeon due to my gynae problems..

So last night my grandfather, in all his wisdom let it slip, which realllllllllly pisses me off when i've gone to such great lengths to keep it from her. To make matters worse this person has moved back to townsville. But what makes it worse was that i was talking to her like 4 days ago saying i HADN'T had the band cos of what my mum had told her.. Now i look like a complete and utter liar. You probably think i'm being petty but i'm furious and have now locked myself in the bedroom.

I can't wait to go home...

Sami Xx

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Hi, My name is Sam and i like to eat my feelings.. And i wonder why ??!!!!!

So this trip is just getting better. My lovely mother last night pulled me into her bedroom because she had bought me some pants for christmas and wanted me to try them on. These pants were the same as she was wearing.. And were grandma pants. Bridget Jones style i'm talking. So i halfheartefly pulled on the pants and as i suspected they looked fucken terrible. I'm one of these people with horridly expressive faces, so my disappointment was obviously not easily concealed.

When she saw it written all over my face how much i hated these silly pants she said to me well i'm so sick of what you wear now- you have a roll of fat on your stomach (which i do.. and will get sucked out and cut off when i get to goal !!!) and i'm a fat sloppy pig apparently. This coming from a woman who has not got her hair done or had a shred of makeup put on her bootleather face this side of 1976. Stupid bitch. My mother or not, how dare she be so callous. I've lost alot of weight and have a lot of problems that prevent me from losing more, but last night i came to a conclusion. One that has been dancing around in the back of my mind for a very long time but that i consciously did not want to accept.

Nothing i ever do will ever be good enough for her. No decision i make will ever be right.

Something she'll just have to live with suppose, like all the other crappy decisions i've made that she's forced on me.. But that's another story.

Twilight tonight, oh Edward..!!!! Anyone know a good agent ? I want to audition for Breaking Dawn. And i'm utterly serious !!!!

Sami Xx

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Sami.. Needs to remember that Jesus is the reason for the season

Right- so my weight isn't moving. In fact, it's gone back up. Merry fucking christmas.

And i'm in Cairns with the family menagerie. I use that term because that's what it's like. So now i'm locked in the bedroom @ my grandparents place because my aunt is a total crack whore and we've been fighting. This is how it went down. I've been reading her books.. The twilight series. So this morning she went at me because she said i'd dog eared the pages in her book. Which then made me retalliate with something along the lines of "shove your fucking book fair up your arse.. I'll buy my own." And then it just escalated from there. Yes not ideal and not the way to respect my elders i am aware, however, she is a bitch.. I can't stand her, the whole family hates her and the only reason we're even remotely nice to her is because she lives with my grandparents and i don't want to upset them. She, on the other hand, is going to be a very VERY lonely woman when they die. I'm trying to remain composed and remember that jesus is the reason for the season and we need to celebrate and be happy and all that jazz, but her behaviour is just abominable.

On a brighter note, it was my daughter's birthday yesterday.. She's so gorgeous. I still don't know how i managed to have such a beautiful girl. It amazes me. And i definitely cannot believe she is 3 !!!!!! The party on the other hand was a complete disaster.. Thanks again to my lovely aunt..

I think i need some cheering up. Maybe i'll go see Twilingt (Swoooon..) AGAIN !! Tomorrow night.

Sami Xx

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Sami- They call me the wild rose..

Hi Everyone !!!
I want to start by thanking everyone on the lovely comments about my hair !! Everyone loves it.. But me. So i regret to say, it will NOT be staying. For someone who regards themselves so highly as a fashionista sista it is definitely a faux pas and a half !! Thinking i might spend some time with my natural colour until iget to goal weight which i've not done in years !!

Which brings me to my next topic.. The fill. So i had 6.25 ml in my band and i was underfilled.. So rolled up to the surgeon on Tuesday and he said righto you couldn't eat last time at 6.5ml so i'll put that back in and see how you go. I'm going the same. SHIT !!!!!!!!!!! Today i pb'd hardcore at lunchtime. So i'm just going to have to take it easy and chew chew chew !!! That surgeon makes me laugh though. He said to me when i walked in "Sam, you've put on weight.." Why thankyou for the newsflash captain obvious !!! The scales and i are BFF so it's not like i was oblivious or anything. Bloody Dr's. On the upside it seems the bleeding is beginning to subside so i need to get my arse into gear with the exercising ! I was told by a friend of mine that rollerblading is excellent, however on the other hand i was told that swimming was better. Now i'm confused.. Does anybody really know for sure ?

I'm on holidays now and i couldn't be happier. I've been so so stressed from work it's ridiculous. I lost my appeal so now i have to go and fight it out through the merit protection commission.. Basically because my ex manager is a lying crack whore. But that's ok, the truth will come out in the end. It always does.

At the moment i'm on team Twilight. I've done some calculations and i need to find a town like Forks to move to where there's never any sun- i'd be perfect with my stupid english skin. I might audition for the next movie.. And the war has been waged between Bridget and i for Rob Pattinson's heart. Swoooon.. LOL !!!!

Well i best be off- i'm presently googling accommodation in Tamworth for the country music festival.. Which Bridget will be attending. Which reminds me i must also find a hot sexy pair of cowgirl boots.. LOL !!!!

Talk soon,
Sami Xx

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So i sent some men to fight, and one came back at dead of night- said he'd seen my enemy, said She looks just like Me..

Hi Everyone,

i haven't updated lately cos i've felt like absolute shit. I'm tired all the time and still bleeding. I'm just over it all. I've not lost an ounce, in fact i've put on a kilo.. I went to my surgeon this morning and got a fill and he said to me "well Sam, you've put on a kilo.." I felt like saying why thankyou Cptain Obvious- I told you i'd put on when i emailed 2 fucking weeks ago. So he gave me 0.25 which brings me upto 6.5ml in my 10ml band.

As you'll notice, the title of this blog is quite profound. Whn i get really anaemic and tired i start reaching for things like chocolate bars and chips and softdrink, things that are high in sugar that pick me up quickly but then make me crash and burn- it's by doing this that makes me my own worst enemy. I've also been rather fond of soft serve cones and post mix cokes from HJ's lately. Yes i know- bad bad bad.. I've been slipping into old habits and i need to get the hell out of them. I suppose the good thing is that i'm thinking objectively and identifying where i'm going wrong.

The hair was something i did on a whim- which i'm now regretting. Everyone loves it.. But me- not so much.. My hair dresser wants me to keep it red and get extensions so it's long and ranga. Redheads are usually so sexy- just not me. Pretty sure it's cos i'm so pale at the moment.

I sincerely hope that everyone is doing better than i am-

at the moment i feel like my world is collapsing..

Sami Xx

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Last post deleted

Hi Guys !
I deleted the last post i put up because i have a new friend at work. He's in Perth and i thought it was a bit how's your father for him to be reading.. (hello to Mark if you're looking!.. and enjoy the cranky man you're speaking to as i'm typing..LOL!!)

I'll put up a proper update tonight- getting fill Tuesday. Getting my hair done tomorrow- thinking of going Aubrun. Thoughts ?

Sami Xx

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