When it's sink or swim You've gotta think to win !

Well i joined a gym. It's official. I joined on the weekend and it's Tuesday today and i have the flu and it would have been so easy for me to not go but i made my bitch arse go ! And i went and did about 5 seconds on the elliptical machine (nearly killed me..lol) then 30 minutes on the treadmill with the incline on 3.5 and at 5.5 km's an hour then about 25 minutes on the exercise bike. So i was pretty pleased overall with that effort ! Specially when i'm sick and i still went !

Then i had to go see my surgeon and got a fill so that was good too- he gave me a ml.. I have restriction at meal times but i've been finding that i'm getting hungry between meals. So now i have 6.5 ml in. I wouldn't have bothered getting any at all in if i wasn't snacking between meals but i have been so i did. I'd lost about 3 kg since i last saw the Dr a month ago so they were really happy with that. (I'm not). But i'm fluidy as a motherfucker as well which isn't fun, i've been finding i'm so swollen that i've got to jam my wedding rings on in the morning.

Still no luck with a dress for my grandparents anniversary party- however have struck gold for the army ball in November. It's a Lisa Ho dress that's like a white strapless maxi dress and will look amazing up here in Townsville and then it has like this smoke print on the front and it's hard to explain but it will take away from my belly. My husband i'm thinking i'll get him a matching like gun metal grey Hugo Boss suit. We'll look hot. Just have to get to size 14.. should be achieveable. I've got 8-9 wks to do it so gotta get into it.. hoping the gym and fill will help. As for the party- no idea. Just find a nice top i'm hoping (i'm in between sizes so that's adding to my frustration) and hopefully i'll be able to buy a pair of jeans off the rack from Jeans West or something. I'll put pics up for sure of that as well. Hopefully i'll be looking flash as Michael Jackson. Well praying...

Thinking of all my fellow bandits- Xx

The cold hard fact is..

Wellll i know i haven't updated for a while but i've had so so much on ! It was my birthday last week and that was really great. Got some lovely pressies so i'm a very lucky girl but the downer is that i turned 23. I feel so so old ! My mother in law was up to help me celebrate which was good because my husband left for Germany the day before which i was a bit sad about.. But never mind. I just need to stay positive- he'll be back in a couple of weeks. But we did eat alot of crap that weekend.. LOL !!

Then i've had Charlie realllllllly sick. She's been sick on and off for months and had so much medication i can't poke a stick at but now they've finally figured out she's got asthma. She's had the nastiest cough for days and days the poor little thing. And at her daycare she keeps getting all these mosquito bites all over her. So unimpressed because she's allergic and so scratching the shit out of herself and they're scarring. The last couple of days she's not been eating or drinking though but i managed to get some fluids into her tonight which was good.

And now we talk about the dreaded weight thing. Well the Dr changed my AD's and put me on mood stabilisers as well. And he said be aware, these may make you put on weight cos it makes your brain think you're hungry.. And i kind of thought whatever i've got the band so i'll be right. WRONG !!!! I've put on like 2 kilos so back upto 99. I'm so so cranky. I've changed back to my old medication now so should start getting back into it but i've joined a gym and i'm getting a fill tomorrow so that should help. The Gym especially, if i ever have time to friggen go. But the cold hard fact at the moment is that i've slipped back into some of my old patterns and upped my liquid calories (eg. coke etc.. which hasn't helped matters..) and i feel like a big fat whale !!!! So that's in turn triggered me to feel like shit and eat a bit more. But i've walked that hill so i know i can do anything i put my mind to. I just have to get some time to do it !

I've set myself an exercise goal as well.. In about 10-15 more kilos i want to start taking dance classes. I watched Step Up and Step Up 2 on the weekend and it was awesome. I'd love to dance like that. I can see myself now ripping it up in a club somewhere. LOL. But i've always wanted to do ballroom and latin american as well.. So i'm thinking i might see if i can get into some classes for those styles. Obviously not confident enough yet- i feel like a big fat cow but yeah down the track definitely.

Hope everyone has been behaving themselves more than i have !

Sami Xx

PS. Did anyone watch dancing with the stars tonight ? Sonia's dress was by Matthew Eager and it was just stunning. That's exactly what i'd love to wear to the army ball (mid november- so very little hope there..) But it was so simple but glamourous. Loved it !!!! And the colour was like this cobalt/electric blue. It was amazing ! (If you haven't noticed i have a passion for fashion..Thinking i've missed my calling- should be a stylist. Trinny and Susannah look out !!!! LOL !)

Emotional Eat-O-Rama

Hey guys,
wellll made the appointment to go back to the Dr's today and get my antidepressants sorted out.. My daughter Charlie is unwell though as well so i've had to have ANOTHER day off work.. How i'm still employed i don't know. Must be cos i'm super awesome i'm thinking. So taking the both of us to the dr's today.

Yesterday at work though i ate myself stupid- and all crap as well. And i'm pretty sure it was all emotional eating.. Today i'm swelled up like a balloon again and yeah it's not fun at all.. Yesterday's effort food wise was...
-2 pieces of pizza (which got stuck so extra glad i didn't call the dr to get any fill..)
-2 mini crunchies
-1 giant freddo
-1 packet of twisties
-1 can of coke
-2 sprite zeroes
-2 bottles of water and
- a handful of those oven heat chips (which also got stuck.)

so yeah not real flash at all.. today i need to get back into it though. I just think the rollercoaster i've been on pushed me over the edge cos that's the first time i think since i got the band that i ate like that.. It was so disappointing.. But i came home and rode the exercise bike for ahalf an hour and then got up at 5 and rode it for half hour this morning as well ! So i'm outting the effort in now and that's what counts.. Need to brave that hill again but my husband leaves for Germany tomorrow so no way in hell i'll be pushing that pram up the hill on my own. No way !!!!

Cheers- Sami Xx

Memories seep from my veins..

This has not been a good week for me. Not at all.

As most of you readers will remember i decided to cut all my doctors away and their medication as well and try alternative therapies (which have been going wonderfully by the way..) Except at the same time i went off my anti depressants (and also cancelled my psychiatrist appointment which i'd been waiting for 3 months for..) I thought i was going along fine as i went off the AD's a couple of weeks ago and then mid last week i started snapping at my husband and picking fights and just generally feeling like i was losing control. Those of you who speak with me regularly know that i'm a pretty tough chick and i never EVER cry. This week i've felt like i'm having a nervous breakdown and have been in tears at least 3 times.. I've just basically felt like everything is spinning out of control and i don't know what to do to get things back on track..

I didn't actually put 2 and 2 together until my cousin said to me when you went off all your medication did you go off your AD's as well- then it clicked. If this week is anything to go on i need them..I'm just losing it big time.

Weight wise i've stagnated. Not moving. Which is also annoying me- specially when i walked up that bastard of a hill.. And i'm trying to lose the weight to get a good dress for this party (which i'm also supposed to be singing 4 or 5 songs at) and i currently have no voice so that's another thing that's stressing me out.

Might call the dr. and beg for a fill.. maybe if it's even just half a ml..

Xx

But wait- Did anyone hear the word AWESOME ?

So.. remember how a couple of posts ago i showed a photo of a massive hill that sits behind my house ? Saying it's my exercise goal to walk up it ? Well guess what ? Today, the 30/08/08 i did it. I walked ALLLLLLLL the way up that damn hill and back !

I had a couple of rest breaks along the way i must admit for some water and to stretch but i got there. Allll the way up. I was so proud of myself when i got to the top i could not wipe the smile off my face.. However- there is a downer. Now that i've done it once i have no excuse not to do it again. Of course this will help with the 10 kilos i'm planning to get off in the next 27 days but i kid you not- one part of that hill was so steep, a lady walked down with her dog and it was panting and i thought oh my god that's my exact reflection !!!

Foodwise today been pretty good. And still trying to be gluten free as well. Kudos for motivation !!!

Ps- top pic is the view when i got to the top and the bottom pic is of the view coming down.. so beautiful.

And i'm thinking about getting a tattoo at goal- although my mother has threatened to disown me =)

this is what i want if i get one.. this way i can hide it with my hair.. clever !!

Sam has her cranky pants on

So yeah i'm not really a happy girl today..

The husband has given me the shits. So yes in a fairly foul mood. The 20 kilos in 12 weeks thing isn't really going the greatest either. So yeah not a happy girl. Picked out a possible outfit for the magical army ball though and Jennifer Hudson Wore it so it's designed for women with curves- but- it's a jumpsuit. It's cute though. Totally disregard the pic of Heidi Klum, Jennifer Hudson is the go. Looks hot !! On the weight side fairly restricted which is a good thing but still can't push past this plateau. Grrrrr !!!!!